My Last Breath
by alitamayonesa
Summary: Drabbles of Carl/Patrick
1. My Last Breath

**Warnings: Suicide**

The more Carl thought about it, the more tears begged for outrance. He was holding them all; although he knew he couldn't be holding them forever.  
The group had reunited once again, like it always happens. They had to leave the prison because the Governor attacked them. They escaped, and they survived; together.  
They had succesfully managed a tiny camp in the middle of the road with cars around them to stop the walkers from making their unannounced visits. He was the only one awake though.  
"How many times will I have to do this?" He questioned himself. Running away. That's everything he ever did.  
"When I think I'm safe, that's when I'm not" He kept repeating. Saying it out loud was not enough. Hershel always said there was a reason for this world to be like this. And now he was dead, just like everyone he loved; his mom, his baby sister, his friends, and his boyfriend.  
Carl slowly looked up to the sky where he thought Hershel could listen to him. "I still can't figure out the reason" He said.  
"Does it even matter?" He mumbled. He was too cold; he didn't even care if his words came out wrong of not; he wasn't talking to anyone in particular who could listen.  
He took the bloody cover he had found in one of the cars and stood up; trying not to wake everybody up. He started walking; deep into the forest. He had a gun with him.  
While he was walking he kept talking to himself; "Why do I need to keep on fighting? I don't need to survive if I'm going to die anyway. Is there a goal? Is there somthing I'm fighting for?"  
He stopped walking and looked back; he couln't see the group anymore, and he thought it was a good place.  
He sat in the woods, just where he was standing. "I could handle my mom dying; it was going to happen anyway. But him? Why him?" He asked to no one in particular again.  
"If I kept on fighting was for him. Because I thought we could still have a life together. That was my goal"  
He couldn't listen to any footsteps; which meant there weren't any walkers around. It was practically impossible for them to see him beacuse of how dark it was.  
He took his gun out and looked at it for one last time. He touched the trigger gently; applying more strenght when he thought it was the right time. He shot it.  
"I miss you" Carl said, letting out the first tear he was holding up. "So badly".  
The silence was killing him. Why was everything so quiet?  
He shot again.  
"I don't want to keep on fighting if there's no one I want to fight for" Carl whispered. "I want to see you again. And there's only one way I can do that" He said; crying.  
This time he didn't hear the silence. He heard some footsteps getting closer to him. Followed by another; and another.  
The night was dark; but when something was close, he could see it. And he could definately see a big heard of zombies around him. It reminded him of the day at the camp when Amy died. And also to the day they had to leave Hershel's farm.  
He would've normally been scared by this; but he wasn't. He knew what was going to happen. He wanted it to happen. If Patrick wasn't there, there was no reason for Carl to be.  
"See you soon" Carl whispered.  
"I love you"


	2. Better This Way

It had been months since the last time the group had sat down around the fire. Ignoring the dozens of walkers trying to walk through the fences and making dead noises was not a choice lately. The winter was not what they had expected; cold didn't kill zombies, and it didn't slow them down either.

This time they decided to ignore it; at least for a moment. They were just too tired; they had earned some time for themselves.

It was almost a tradition; Beth always sang one of the songs from her childhood. Everyone loved it. Something in that sweet voice made them believe they were still alive, that not everything was lost.

"That was beautiful" Hershel said with a tear streaming down his face. "You remind me of your mother so much" Beth smiled. "So strong and brave, just like her".

There was a silence after those words; no silence these days was uncomfortable. But they still needed to keep talking; make a real conversation which didn't envolve death, blood and zombies.

"Why don't you tell us about her?" Glenn said. He has been questioning himself about it. If he asked and it made Hershel too sad he would've been the one to blame. But maybe not.  
Hershel smiled, he looked at the sky for a moment and looked at Glenn, never erasing that smile covered with his white beard.

"I was 27" Hershel began. Bringing smiles to the whole group, specially Maggie and Beth. "She was 24. I remember the exact day and time I first saw her. She was eating pizza with her friends, and she left with another man. A man who I knew very well; a player. He had no respect for her. That night I decided I would fight, and I would make her see he wasn't worth it. So i did, I made a plan; I did everything I could. Until he got tired of me and broke up with her. She hated me for destroying her relationship. And it wasn't till I was thirty that she talked to me again"

Maggie laughed, she knew this story. But she hadn't heard it since her dad got married again.

"She was the love of my life; and I knew it right from the begining. I couldn't have been any happier with anyone else. Life without her was devastating"

Patrick and Carl were on a plain blanket all for themselves; curled up with each other. Listening to Hershel's story was beautiful. It made Carl think about Patrick a lot, even more that he usually did.

"You can move on, but you can never forget" Hershel said. The silence came back; this time nobody had to ruin it, exept from Judith; who began giggling for no reason. Everybody laughed at that and began talking again.

Carl lifted up his head to face Patrick. "That means you are the love of my life?" Carl said smiling. "What?" Patrick asked, holding Carl's hand.  
"It's the exact same age difference between us" Carl answered. Patrick laughed and leaned in to give Carl a soft kiss.  
"The yeah, I am the love of your life" Patrick said and they both laughed. Carl returned to his previous position; placing his head on Patrick's chest.

"The fence!" Maggie screamed pointing at it. "It's bending!". In their ignoring walkers process some more dozens of them had been attrackted to the smoke of the fire; the fence was bending. They didn't know it was going to resist but they couldn't take the risk; they couldn't have more people gone.

Half of the group left running to handle it. Patrick and Carl stayed. Carl knew his dad was some kind of superhero who always handled everything, he didn't worry; and Patrick would've left running too but he decided not to; mostly because Carl was almost on top of him.

After a while Carl saw the group killing zombies through the fence as always; but this time it made him feel sad. Almost every night he wished it was all a dream and he'd wake up in a safe world.

"I wish this had never happened" Carl said.

"What do you mean?" Patrick asked him.

"The end of the world; zombies; all of that" Carl answered.

After a small silence, Patrick spoke; "I don't"

Carl stoop up confused, looking directly at Patrick. "What?" He asked confused.

"If this had never happened, you'd be in your house with your parents fighting like they used to, and I'd still be living with my mom" Patrick said, and Carl laughed.

"I would've never met you" He said. Carl stared at him, realizing it was true. "And according to Hershel, life without the love of your life is devastating" Patrick said. Carl chuckled and nodded in agrrement. "I think it is" He answered.  
Patrick smiled at him and after a while he pulled him closed into a hug. It's not like he didn't know Carl was the love of his life, but that noght had just made it official.


End file.
